The astounding prison diary
of david berkowitz
2004
TERRORIST ALERTS AND PRISON LOCKDOWNS
Yesterday I heard on the news that the Code Orange terrorist alert was
rescinded. The nation is back down to the less ominous sounding "Code Yellow."
I don't suppose that things will change very much for most of America's
citizens. I don't think many people pay much attention to these alert levels
anyhow.
On Monday morning my chaplain will probably begin to contact the many
volunteer ministers who come into Sullivan Correctional Facility to inform them that
it is now okay to return to the prison.
Things like this remind me how vulnerable I and the other prisoners are to
outside events and situations.
Thankfully there were no terrorist attacks on the United States. But had
something happened, even if it occurred on the west coast, and as a result, the
alert code was elevated to "Red", my entire prison would probably have gone
into a "lockdown" mode. All the inmates would be in continuous cell
confinement, and almost all activities inside the prison would have come to a
stop. Perhaps even for many months. However, I have learned to be thankful
for what I do have.
t's like the story I've heard so many times about the man who always
complained that he had no shoes, until one day he met a man who had no feet.
When the grumpy man who was lacking shoes suddenly came upon a man who had
no feet lying helplessly by the side of the road begging for coins, he was
humbled.
Immediatly he realized that his situation was not as bad as that of
others. He was more blessed than he previously thought, because surely it is
infinitely better being shoeless than footless.
And like the man without shoes, we tend to think that we're doing worse
than everyone else until we meet a person who is in a worse condition.
So while I do not like being in prison, and I don't like having to be so
vulnerable, the truth is that things could be a thousand times worse for me.
Whatever God blesses me with, let me be thankful.
(c)David Berkowitz January 10, 2004
VOLUME FEBRUARY 2004
February 9, 2004
SHOT DEAD
But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost: In who the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
2 Corinthians 4:3,4
I didn't really know him. I often saw hm walking the prison's corridors, or in the gym as he worked out with weights. Many times I observed him in the recreation yard hanging out with the Organized Crime guys. He fit in well with them, it seemed.
His name was Frank Demarco, and he was shot to death on a street in Queens, New York, shortly after he was released from Sullivan Correctional Facility.
Frank was 52 years old, and Sullivan was his last prison stop before his life came to a sudden end.
Like hundreds of convicts who pass through this facility, many who come here from other prisons who stay awhile before they're transerred again, or who eventually obtain their parole or get released haveing earned "good time". Frank was just another face in the crowd.
I think he got out of prison only several months ago. And since I didn't know Frank personally, I forgot about him. In this environment men come and go all the time. Inmates are transferred in and out of the facility every week.
But over the weekend word began to spread quickly that a man who had once been here, was shot to death.
In prisons, bad news travels fast.
Out of curiosity I asked one of Frank's friends if this was true. False rumors spread fast, too.
When I asked the question, however, this man who lives in the same housing unit as me, quickly darted into his cell to retrieve an article from the New York Post. He then handed me the already crumpled page.
It was from the Post's "NYPD Daily Blotter" that's usually buried somewhere in the middle of each day's newspaper.
This section llists some of the daily incidents of murder, mayhem and crime in the "Big Apple".
I then read a portion of last Friday's blotter which said:
"Police yesterday indentified a Long Island man shot and killed on a Cambria Heights street. Frank Dimarco, 52, of Westbury, was shot in the head for unknown reasons at 132nd Road and 219th Street around 10:30 p.m., Wednesday. Dimarco, who had 60 prior arrests was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital, where he died. February 6, 2004"
My heart was stung. As a Christian I quickly bowed my head and offered a silent prayer for his suffering family. I'm sure he has loved ones who are grieving.
And my mind thought of Frank, too. Sixty arrests! My friend told me that Frank had a penchant for robbing drug dealiers.
I'm not sure what Frank received his last prison sentence for. His friend didn't know. Frank Demarco had so many prior arrests, and he'd done so much jail and prison time, that even his best friend lost track.
And of course I wondered if Frank knew Jesus Christ as his Savior. Like multitudes of imnates, he did his time hanging out with the guys, aimlessly passing the time, perhaps never thinking about God and never showing any interest in going to chapel services.
Frank was like the myriads of men in prison whom satan has blinded.
Christian inmates were all around him. The chapel's doors were always open. But Frank was a blind man. The "god of this world" kept Frank under his power.
The temptations of drugs and money and having a "good reputaion" among thieves was of more value than his being in right standing with the Lord.
Now, sadly, only a short time after Frank walked out the doors of this prison his body was dropped by a bullet on a desolate street corner.
A lifetime of crime was what he chose. And all that was left to mark his life was a tiny blurb wriltten in a New York City newspaper about his murder.
What a waste.
David Berkowitz February 9, 2004
VIOLENCE
No matter how well a correctional facility seems to be managed, or no matter how modern a facility may be, these places have the potential for fights and other acts of violence. for there are men living under stress, who sometimes have deep-seated anger, or who may be having a bad day when their lives start to spin out of control and everything seems to be going wrong.
The prison I'm in now, for instance, even though it first opened around 1985 and is considered to be "state of the art" with easier to manage cell blocks, surveillance cameras in the recreation yards, and a smaller population (around 640 compared with the older and larger New York prisons that have 2,000 or more inmates), is just as potentially dangerous as any other facility.
Recently since the start of this year, we've been seeing an increase in fights. There's been tension in here that has never been at this level before. Although, fortunately things continue to run smoothly.
But there has been tension in here that has never been at ths level before. Although, fortunately, things continue to run smoothly.
But there has been a measurable increase in confrontations.
In fact, one of the local newspapers in this county published an article about the problem titled "Inmate Assaults Cause Concern", (Sullivan County Democrat, Tuesday, February 10, 2004). This was their lead story for the day.
In the article, concern was expressed by various prison workers that the growing number of assaults on staff have upset them and are a cause for alarm.
A majority of the inmates who are incarcerated here go by the rules and have no desire to make trouble or cause problems. However, these assaults do have a ripple effect that helps to create an atmosphere of tension that touches everyone.
And while prisons are not designed to make the inmates of staff feel comfortable, it is certainly more difficult to life and work in an environment where the potential for violence is at a heightened level.
But I do believe the tension will eventually decrease. As a Christian, I've begun to pray about this. So have the other men who attend our chapel services.
During times like this, however, I'm grateful for the peace God gives to His children when our minds are fixed upon Him.
This is an inner peace which passes all human comprehension. It will remain throughout all the storms.
Amen!
(www.sc-democrat.com)
(c)David Berkowitz February 12, 2004
February 14, 2004
SUNSHINE
There are still large mounds of snow outside and the temperature remains below freezing. Yet this morning the sun's rays seemed very strong. Spring is on the way!
It was good to be ourdoors, and I was able to walk with my Christian friends, Alan and Robert.
We needed the fresh air, and I needed the healing touch of the sun to help overcome my recent bout with the flu. I still have traces of it in my lungs.
The two correction officers who were assigned to observe the prisoners in the yard both happened to be Christians, too. So the three of us were able to greet the officers and say "God bless you" to them without anythng being out of the ordinary.
I also felt a sense of security knowing that the guards assigned to patrol the yard were Christians. For at this facility there are only a handful of officers who are open believers in Jesus Christ (maybe six, total).
Anyhow, Alan, Rob and myself had a good time together. And we're an odd trio because, as inmates come from all walks of life and many diverse backgrouds, Alan has a college degree and he had been a pharmacist. Robert was a police officer. I was a postal worker.
Then, several minutes before the call was made for us to return to our respective cell blocks, the three of us were able to have a time of prayer together.
It was a refreshing morning.
(c)David Berkowitz February 14, 2004
NEW YORK CITY VICTORY
For with God nothing shall be impossible.
Luke 1:37
Today I received a "victory report" from two Christian friends about an evangelistic outreach that was held on February 8th at the Brooklyn Tabernacle Church in New York City (www.brooklyntabernacle.org.
Once again God used the story of my redemption to touch lives.
On the Sunday of 2/8/04, during the 4 p.m. service, the FORGIVEN FOR LIFE video was shown at this large church as part of an outreach to young people.
I was also able to prepare in advance a six page message titled "Jesus at the Door" that was read by Asociate Pastor Tyrone McDonald. He also preached a message to go along with mine.
Then, near the end of the service, the invitation was given for those who wished to receive Jesus christ as their Savior, to repent of sin, and to place their faith in Him.
From what my friends Dan and Alice told me, about fifty or more peole came forward during the altar call.
The Lord always amazes me. For here I sit locked in a prison cell far away from New York City. Yet the Lord is not limited by such physical restrictions.
I'm so thankful that Jesus made a way for me to go far beyond these concrete walls and solid steel bars to share His love with people from all walks of llife.
Truly nothing is impossible with God!
(c)David Berkowitz Feb 16, 2004
February 19, 2004
JESUS GETS THE CREDIT
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; all things are become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Recently I received a letter from a man in Texas who said he was happy to hear how I turned my life around. I appreciate his kind words, of course. But I had to set him straight about the changes in my life.
When I answered his letter I told him frankly and plainly that I did NOT change my life around. I explained that it was Jesus Christ who, because He loves me, reached into the dark world of despair I was living in.
It was the Lord who brought me up from a horrible pit. He came into my prison cell to touch me and break the chains of demonic torment that had me bound.
When He rescued me I was in a state of terrible mental and spiritual anguish. My life was a mess. And I was totally incapable of changing anything within myself.
It was Jesus precious blood that washed and freed me from my many sins.
So I won't dare to take credit for anything. If it were not for the Lord's mercy, I would still be living in darkness. My life would be a living hell.
Today, however, my feet are set upon the Solid Rock of salvation and hope.
Jesus has put may songs of praise and thanksgiving in my mouth which flow from my heart directly to His throne in heaven.
Yes, I serve a mighty and merciful God. And He gets the credit and the glory, always.
(c) David Berkowitz February 19, 2004
DAVID
This afternoon I received a letter from my friend, Chuck. He's a Messianic Jew who lives in Utah.
Chuck told me that his 20-year old son, David, was killed in Iraq as a result of a "non-combat" bullet wound. He told me, too, that his son's death is still being investigated by the military.
David died the day before last Thanksgiving, but I didn't know this until Chuck's letter arrived. I had not been expecting such news, and it stunned me.
I didn't know his son personally, but my heart goes out to Chuck and his family.
Chuck's faith is strong, however. For in spite of the pain and loss of a child, he's trusting in the Lord. He said that he was completely surrendered to God.
Interestingly, in Chuck's letter he reminded me of something I found to be very poignant. On November 11, 2003 (Veterans's Day) I wrote in my journal that I felt a deep need to pray for the families of those who've lost a loved one as a result of the war in Iraq.
So when Chuck since learned that David died, and when he had been reading from my journal some times afterwards, he was struck by the fact that I had been praying for his family, even without my being aware of it. Chuck's son died about fifteen days after my November 11 entry. He told me that he felt this was something providential, and I'm sure he took comfort knowing that other Christians were already praying for him, even in advance.
I believe this was God's way of displaying His loving hands of comfort and care to a grieving father.
(c)David Berkowitz February 23, 2004
THE JUDAS KISS
And forthwith he (Judas) came to Jesus, and said "Hail, Master!" and kissed him.
Matthew 26:49
Last week I learned that a man I had been writing to for a little more than a year, had sold seventeen of my letters to an autograph collector. The collector, in turn, was offering them on eBay.
I've been through situations like this before, and it always hurts.
But there's nothing new under the sun. Because so many people are greedy and selfish these things will happen.
This individual, Paul, is about my age. He has three grown kids, one of whom has been struggling with drug addiction problem.
I don't even remember the circumstances in which Paul first wrote to me. As a Christian I had responded to him in kindness. I also tried to share the gospel with Paul, as well as encourage him whenever I could.
He seemed like a nice guy. Of course people know how to be nice when they want something. Just ask Eve, and I'm sure she'd tell you that the serpent who ultimately deceived her was just as nice.
Now I see that a man whom I thought was my friend, was a Judas. Obviously he had another agenda. Paul really wanted to get letters from me, and then sell them when he felt that the time was right.
I suppose, too, that every Christian has at lest one Judas in his life. I've already known a dozen!
But for me this has been yet another "live and learn" experience.
I have already forgiven Paul in my heart. I will continue to pray for him and his family. They are lost without the Lord, even if none of them know it.
As Jesus said so well, " "for what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:26)
I pray that, wherever he is, Paul is thinking about this.
(c)David Berkowitz February 27, 2004
February 29, 2004
GAY MARRIAGES
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.
Romans 1:22
There has been a tremendous amount of news within the past several weeks concerning gay marriages.
San Francisco, California. New York City. New Paltz, New York. Even Portland, Oregon. Many homosexuals want to legally marry.
And it is no surprise to me, therefore, that with all the media coverage about this issue, the question of whether or not it is morally right has come up here in the prison.
Well the Bible says it is wrong for two people of the same sex to lie together. Much of mankind, however, says it's okay.
So each person, I feel, has to decide for himself whether he (or she) will believe and honor God's word, or whether they will align themselves with the principles of this world, which are almost always opposed to God's.
I know that God forgives homosexuals when they repent of all their sins, and each person places his faith in Jesus Christ.
I believe that God forgives gay people the say way He forgives everyone who comes to Him for salvation.
I don't believe for a minute, though, that Jesus Christ hates homosexuals. He loves them and He longs to see each of them turn from their sins and place their faith in Him. The Lord doesn't want any one to perish.
In the congregation I belong to, for example, we have gay men who occasionally walk through our chapel's door. We greet them just as we do the other prisoners.
And some of them will eventually become Christians, and some won't. But our door is always open, and they know it.
We've had in the past, and we have at present, men in our fellowship who have left the gay lifestyle. Many of them have become strong Christians with great faith and awesome testimonies of God's forgiveness.
And I believe that each of them can honestly confess that the homosexual lifestyle isn't what the media protrays it to be.
Instead they would say that their homosexuality was a lonely and empty experince. It was also a scary existence. For AIDS stalked their ranks and killed many of their friends.
In addition, the Bible makes it clear that, during time of the early church, many congregations had members who were formerly homosexuals.
Others in those ancient congregations were once idolaters, adulterers, thieves and drunkards. Some had been members of what we would today call "Organized Crime". They had been extortioners!
Yet all of these people from varying walks of life found themselves to be sinners in need of a Savior. And, one by one, they came to Jesus, and He changed them.
God washed away their sins. He then called each of them to be His children. And He justified every last one of them, just as if they'd never sinned (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
God is doing the exact same things today.
(c)David Berkowitz February 29, 2004
VOLUME APRIL 2004
SISTER JEAN
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.
I just learned that a dear friend has died. "Sister Jean", as I fondly called her, went into eternity to be with the One she loved the most, Jesus.
Jean was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) after suffering her first heart attack in 1989, according to her closest friend, Tammy, who wrote to me with the news of Jean's passing.
Sister Jean was a walking miracle, however. When she received her diagnosis of CHF, her doctor told her that people with CHF "live 3-5 years" after their first heart attack. But Jean proved the doctor wrong by living until March 20, 2004.
It was around August 1999 when Jean first wrote to me after she saw my interview on Larry King Live. Unknown to me until I got her first letter, Jean told me that she had been praying for me for many years. So when she saw me confessing my faith in Christ, Jean was thrilled.
As a woman of strong faith, Jean's letters were full of good advice and words of encouragement.
My sister and friend also prayed for my interview with Focus on the Family. She wanted it to go well, and I think she prayed about this every day during the weeks prior to the interview taking place, and up until its airing seven months later.
Unfortunately, however, Jean may have missed the airing of this program because, in Tammy's letter, she told me that Jean had been in a hospice until March 16th. But I know that her precious prayers helped to move mountains of obstacles from my path. They definately assisted in bringing the "Focus" interview to pass.
When Jean did not answer my letters of January 1 and February 14 (Valentine's Day), I knew that something was wrong. I began to sense that Jean was going to be leaving this earth very soon; and she did!
Then, three days ago, when a prison guared handed me Tammy 's letter at mail call, as soon as I saw the envelope with the return address, I knew that Jean was gone.
I will miss my sister's letters. Thankfully, though, Tammy told me that Jean did not suffer, and that she died peacefully in her little apartment.
Jean was a very special godly woman. Two things the Lord taught me by her life were that one is never to old or infirm to be used by God. Jean had a monthy newsletter that she published. Also, that a Christian will not always see the reards of his or her faithful service in their lifetime.
For the most part, since her first heart attack in 1989, Jean was often physically weak and atired. She even had seferal heart attacks since. Yet by God's grace, she pressed on. She never quit serving the Lord until her heart beat for its last time.
My beloved sister's life involved much affliction. But her rewards are surely ahead.
(c) David Berkowitz April 1, 2004
CONNIE AND CAROLYN
There were so many caring and God fearing women who helped the Lord Jesus with His ministry. And throughout the Scriptures one can see that God has placed into the hearts of many of them a hunger to touch lives and bless others through acts of kindness and generosity, and through their prayers.
Jesus, the Bible tells us, had Mary Magdalene, from whom He had previously delivered from demonic oppression. Then there was Joanna and Susanna, and "many others" who devoted their lives to Jesus and assisted Him (Luke 8:1-3).
I myself believe that women often make the best prayer warriors and intercessors. Perhaps it is their God given desire to show mercy as well as a longing to see people experience the love of Christ that makes them want to pray frequently and fervently.
It appears, too, as if the Lord has placed inside women tender hearts that long to plead for those who are hurting. They want people to be helped and healed, and then get safely nurtured in the arms of the Savior.
In my own life God has placed some spiritually mature and caring women to intercede for me, and to bathe me in their prayers.
Yesterday I wrote about Sister Jean. Today I want to mention Connie and Carolyn. They have their own families, yet God has called them to pray for me. They've been doing this for many years.
Connie and Carolyn attend the same church in Virginia. In a letter Carolyn wrote to me shortly before the new year, and she said these words: "Brother David...Connie and I pray for you always. I always see you in my prayers like a strong tree whose branches extend out to the four corners of the earth. I don't know how God is going to do it, but your ministry is going to bless multitudes. So many are wounded and fearful, and you are going to be a fruit (word) spoken in season."
Slowly, little by little, Carolyn and Connie's prayers for me are being answered. And it is only by God's grace that what Carolyn has written here can come to pass. For in and of myself I can never become these things.
How thankful I am that God has blessed me with such kind and lovding Christian sisters. Their prayers and words of encouragement are a continual blessing.
I pray for them, too.
(c)David Berkowitz April 2, 2004
BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS
Every branch in Me that beareth not fruit He taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, He purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
John 5:2
On March 1st I wrote about a time of change that began to happen in my life. Several people whom I had been close to for many years, have discontinued their relationship with me. From the human standpoint I do not know why. However, I have begun to see God's hand in this, and I am thankful and grateful for what He is doing.
Christian growth can be an enigma. There are times when things seem to be going smoothly and I sense myself growing in the grace and knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ.
Then, at other times, disruption occurs. Hindrances happen. Changes take place; some rapidly, some slowly.
Such changes often seem at their beginning to be unsettling. But the Lord says to never allow my heart to be troubled; I'm to trust in Him always.
The Lord, you see, is a Master Builder. He's the caretaker of the vineyard with all its trees and branches. And as a Christian, I am a branch.
Now, although I did not understand it at first, God has blessed me with good changes. But at the start I was confused. I was fearful of being abandoned by others. Deep seated feelings of rejection and abandonment began to surface.
Over time, however, God's peace filled my heart. He has everything under control. He always has, and He always will.
As the Bible says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).
So then, even the painful periods of pruning are for a good purpose. At the hands of a loving Shepherd such purging and purifying means He is preparing me to bear even more fruit. This is all God's doing, and it is wonderful. The Father knows best.
Furthermore, during this particular time, I began to realize that I had to learn how to relinquish the control other people were having over me.
Although I love them dearly, and perhaps one day the Lord will allow them to come back into my life, for now it is best that they're gone.
Emotional attachments are difficult to break. So God had to come and do a work inside my soul to help me to understand this.
Now, though it is as if blinders have been lifted from around my eyes.
The ones whom God has removed from my life, maybe for a period of time, or perhaps permanently, were controlling me emotionally. Probably without even realizing it, they were placing soulish and carnal roots in me that were not good.
But at some point in our respective relationships, each of them began to be constant complainers and faultfinders who tried to steer me in the directons they wanted me to go.
The Lord would not allow this.
(c)David Berkowitz April 4, 2004
DANNY'S TROUBLE
For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth.
Hebrews 12:6
In my March 6th Journal entry I wrote about Nostrand Barton* and his transfer to a medium security prison. For Mr. Barton this was a good thing, as I am sure that such a move to a lower security classification will afford him more freedom of movement and a few more privileges.
In my entry for March 9th, however, I wrote about Danny* and his transfer to Sing Sing correctional facillity, a prison that's known for its drugs, gangs and violence. Yet even in such a place there are many inmates who manage to accomplish good things. They attend classes, learn a trade, or go to the chapel services. It may be a bad place but it's not the end of the line.
For Danny, I believe, his transfer was a chastisement from the Lord.
While he was here at Sullivan Correctional Facility, Danny made a lot of trouble for the brothers in our church. He never listened to the elders. He would often unsettle the rest of the congregation by spreading bad rumors and by creating an atmostphere of discord.
When he was suddenly transferred most of us breathed a sigh of relief. His departure was like the passing of a violent hurricane.
Nevertheless, I am continuing to pray for this young man. I know that God has not rejected Danny.
Sadly, though, earlier today I heard through the prison's grapevine that shortly after he arrived at Sing Sing, Danny did encounter some problems. Personal letters and some of his property was stolen.
For Danny, his transfer and the difficulties he's recently encountered are a wake up call from the Lord.
Jesus Christ loves him, and I am confident thqt Danny will survive his ordeal.
Still, God's strong but loving hands of correction and discipline have fallen upon him, however. And as a result of this the rest of us have learned a powerful lesson, too. We are not to live in rebellion to God's word, and we're never to live as Danny did while he was here.
*pseudonyms
(c)David Berkowitz April 8, 2004
GOD'S ENCOURAGEMENT
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58
The Lord is so faithful to remind me that my labor for Him is never in vain.
It was a month ago that my testimony was aired on the Focus on the Family radio program. Yesterday I received a wonderful letter as a result of the program. I will quote it here with the hope that the readers of my journal will be encouraged to continue serving Jesus Christ:
"Dear David, may God's presence be there with you in special way this Easter time. I know yhou are rejoicing in Him for what He has done in your life, and in the lives of all of us who have accepted Him. He is no respecter of persons, and, praise God He makes us a new person--'old things are passed away, and behold all things are new.'
I recently received a copy of the tape of hour interview on ''Focus on the Family, which was done last year, I believe. It was played on Dr. Dobson's program a couple of weeks ago.
As I listened, tears came to my eyes again to hear what God has done, and is doing in your life. I continue to pray for you and to give out the tract of your testimony.
You have encouraged me to continue my jail and prison ministry. At my age of 82, and 12 years in prison work, I sometimes feel it may be time to lay it aside. But when I hear testimonies like yours, it makes me realize that's where my heart is and where God has called me. So I am encouraged to continue on....Mr. H.W., Mission Viejo, California"
(c)David Berkowitz April 9, 2004
HIS CHOIR
Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord
Psalm 150:6
It's Saturday evening. Right now I'm in my little prison cell basking in the spiritual afterglow of this afternoon's worship service.
While the sunshine and warm temperatures tempted and beckoned many prisoners into the recreation yard, about fifty of us went to the chapel instead. For visiting us we had a 20-member choir who came from the City of Poughkeepsie, New York.
There is something wonderful about praising the Lord with men and women from outside these prison walls who have the anointing of God upon their lives, and who love Him too.
With the acoustics of our house of worship, it often sounds as if there are more people in the building than are actually present.
Approximately fifty inmates and 20 guests made for seventy people. Yet as we all began to sing, and when I closed my eyes, it seemed as if five hundred were there.
And as tears flowed down my face, and as I lifted my hands into the air, it felt as if my soul was being cleansed.
This group calls themselves "HIS Choir." Then as we sang and clapped our hands in adoration for Jesus Christ, the time flew by so fast.
The brothers and my chaplain spent two hours with these Christians. I wanted the worship to go on forever.
(c)David Berkowitz April 17, 2004
SURPRISE SERMON
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
2 Corinthians 4:7
Earlier this evening I went to a service in the chapel. The minister who visited us from the outside surprised me by calling me up to the pulpit. He then told me to give the sermon. I joked with him and said, "Thanks for the warning."
But it so happened that I did have a message to share with the congregation. So I spoke for about 20-25 minutes on what I had been reading from the Bible this morning.
I read to everyone most of Second Corinthians chapter four. My emphasis, however, was on the seventh verse. That the Lord has chosen to place His treasure, the Holy Spirit, in each of us who have placed our faith in Jesus Christ.
I spoke too about or "light afflictions" and how they work for us a far better and eternal reward in glory. That the rewards for our faithful service to Christ, and for having to endure many trials and persecutions which come our way in this life, will have tremendous reward in heaven.
I then explained in depth how God wants us, as Christians, to both salt and light of Jesus while we're on this earth. I said that non-Christians are watching our lives, and they want to see how we handle life's trials and difficulties. For how we endure our daily struggles helps to prove the reality of our faith.
When non-Christians see us living lives of peace, joy and inner tranquillity, this lets them know there is hope in Jesus.
Yet, on the other hand, if they see us falling apart emotionally when we're going through tough times, and they see us becoming discouraged and even bitter, they will in turn make their personal judgement that there's really nothing to Christianity after all.
If there is a God, some of them may reason within themselves, then He is not a loving being who cares about His children.
I also reminded the congregation that God has chosen to place our lives on display.
I said that, in a sense, all that people wil ever see of Jesus, will be what they see of Him in us.
They wil either see deep faith mingled with love and joy, or they will see doubt, fear, and unbelief. If they see the former, God may use our steadfastness to draw others to Him for salvation. But when they see the latter, these observers may draw the incorrect conclusion that we Christians serve a weak God, if there is actually any God at all.
However, Jesus is genuine, and He wants us to be victorious because He will get the glory when we triumph over our trials.
We can indeed be used by the Lord to demonstrate to a society of people who are seeking meaning and purpose in life, that the divine power of Jesus Christ is real; it is living in us.
I then concluded the message by assuring the brethren that in spite of our feeble flesh, God has chosen to place his treasure in us because it's not really about us, it's all about Him.
(c)David Berkowitz April 19, 2004
COLUMBINE
Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting rampage which left fifteen people dead, mostly teenagers. Both young gunmen died as well as an heroic teacher who lost his life trying to protect his studients.
This tragedy, I believe, was mostly about unchecked anger, seething rage, and increasing hostility in the minds and hearts of two very troubled teenagers.
Everyone from the parents of the killers (who are no doubt still suffering terribly), to the friends, neighbors and classmates of these men missed all the classic warning signs of impending violence. In retrospect some did see a few of the signs, but they either did not do anything about it or they ignorantly thought that somehow everything would simply turn out okay.
As a Christian, and as a man who was once similarly troubled when I was younger, I cannot help but think if there was some way to have reached those two kids before they undertook their murderous acts.
The insidious poisons that slowly seeped into their minds over time, however, from the websites that proclaim the diabolical teachings of Adolf Hitler (they were fascinated by Hitler and carried out the killings on his birthday), to the violent movies and video games they were addicted to, certainly fueled their inner rage. Whatever messages they received from Hitler's writings or from those movies and games, apparently served to justify within themselves what they were about to embark upon.
Ultimately these two young men would unsettle our nation for many years to come. They would also leave behind hundreds of grieving family members and friends of those who died.
And, ironically, they would also serve to "jump-start" a spiritual revolution that would sweep across America when people everywhere whose hearts were torn by this tragedy, would begin to pray for the healing of our land, and over the loss of innocent lives.
Furthermore. shortly after the rampage, the parents of murder victim Rachel Joy Scott would find and publish their daughter's diary and personal writings.
Rachel's writings have since touched the hearts of multitudes in unique ways as she, although no longer on this earth, wrote extensively about topics like forgiveness, faith, hope, and showing kindness to people.
Of course I do not have all the answers as to how to prevent such similar tragedies in the future. But I must do my part, however small, to reach as many young person as I can with a message of hope, as there are many of them who are very angry right now. For them this world makes no sense, and seems to have little meaning.
(c)David Berkowitz April 21, 2004
THE TRIP
On Tuesday morning I left the prison to go on a "medical trip" to a large city. It was an approximately 2 1/2 hour ride both ways.
This was the first time I was out of the facility in several years. I rode in a van with two correction officers and an armed corections sergeant. But since it was a small vehicle I was able to look out from the screened windows.
As per the standard procedure when a prisoner is being transported, I had to be handcuffed at the wrists. I also had my feet shackled together with cuffs similar to handcuffs, but a little larger to accomodate the ankles.
While the trip was interesting although uncomfortable because of the heavy steel cuffs, chains and shackles, I did not want to be reminded of life beyond the prison's walls.
The officers were decent, though. The young guard who had to sit in the seat behind me was friendly and talkative. He asked me many questions about my faith in Christ. It was one of the most encouraging conversations I had had in awhile. This man was really listening!
The hard part for me was not in having to sit with all the security hardware on. Instead it was in seeing all the beauty outside the van's windows.
As we drove past town after town I saw many lovely but simple homes. People were working in their gardens or walking about on a sunny and gorgeous day.
I saw deer, too. And there were many rivers, creeks and streams, all swollen with water after several days of very heavy rains.
The hospital, however, was crowded with people. Most of them were the medical staff or other workers. But there were others walking about, too.
With the officers in front and behind me, I shuffled up and down the long corridors wrapped in rattling chains and cuffs. This wasn't a pretty sight for anyone to see, It'm sure.
Fortunately very few people even bothered to look my way. They seemed more embarrassed than I was to have a prisoner in their midst. But I got the exam my doctor insisted that I take.
The procedure lasted for a little while. I was anesthetized for most of it. I awoke lying on a portable bed with the guards standing over me. A medical technition soon appeared alongside me to ask if I was okay, and to let me know that a full report of what they found or did not find will eventually be sent to the prison's doctor.
Then it was time to get dressed and be tied up again in the security hardware for the return walk to the van, and the scenic ride back to Sullivan.
I've been feeling a little down today, as expected. Seeing yesterday's sights was painful. I was reminded of a world beyond these walls. It is a world I cannot go to or be a part of anymore.
(c)David Berkowitz April 28, 2004
JOSEPH
Joseph, the son of Israel (formerly Jacob) is one of my favorite characters in the Bible. I have been going through the Genesis account of Joseph's account, again.*
I had written about Joseph in my journal entry for December 31, 2003. What suffering he endured!
The Lord was molding and making Joseph into the humble man and strong leader God wanted him to be. This Joseph was taken from a pit to a prison. Then, after many years in that prison for a crime he did not commit, the Lord allowed various circumstances to come about that would cause Joseph to be placed in a palace and become the second in command to the Pharoah himself.
Although I am guilty of the crimes I have been charged with, as opposed to Joseph, who was innocent on all counts, I believe the Lord is doing something similar with me as He did for him.
God is taking me along the "narrow road" that leads to eternal life.
Such a road with its narrow passages is filled with many spiritual potholes, trials and temptations. But the Lord is with me wherever I go.
And as for Joseph, he eventually obtained his freedom from both prison and later on, from Pharoah's household altogether. He was able to return to his father and his family .
Yet while I may never be able to return to my father or be reunited with my family, I am experiencing the same spiritual reedom Joseph had.
*Genesis chapters 37-50 April 30, 2004
End of April Journal (c)David Berkowitz
VOLUME JULY 2004
PURPOSE DRIVEN LIVES
I came down with a bad case of the flu. The symptoms began around the last few days of June. At first I thought it was only a summer cold coming on. But it quickly escalated, and I was very sick. I am just now getting over it.
I've never had the flu during the summer months. I think, however, that my immune suystem's resistance was down from the stresses I was under in J une.
Throughout the past month I had to deal with the parole hearing followed by the media's criticisms of the website. The news coverage about the site went on for several weeks. And I also had an accumulation of pressures from having to be a full-time caregiver, plus having to pastor a church.
Now, thankfully, my strength is returning. God has been faithful, and His grace has once again proven to be sufficient. But I still feel tired and weak from the residue of this flu bug.
This evening, though, I went to a Bible study in the chapel. During tonight's class, which is held every Thursday, we have been studying from the popular book, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Another inmate, "Brother Mike," has been teaching from it. We've been trying to cover one chapter from the book every month.
In today's class Mike asked each of us what we felt was our purpose in life. More specifically, what is our purpose within the Body of Christ--the Church.
I shared my view that our fullest purpose, which God has planned for each of our lives, may not be completely achieved in this lifetime.
I told the group that while we as individual Christians do have our specific callings and functions within our respective fellowship and within the church, that there is a bigger picture to this.
I read from John chapter 14 where the Lord Jesus tells His disciples about the mansions He's preparing for us in heaven. I also shared a few passages from the Scriptures which tell us that our "citizenship" is already in heaven.
I told my brothers that while God has already made us to be "complete" in Him, and while He has filled us with His Spirit and with joy, we have expecially been created to live with Him in eternity.
Moreover, I explained to them that while the Lord is busy working in our lives not only to help us to grow spiritually as well as to prepare us for "works of service" now, (Ephesians 2:10) He is likewise preparing each of us for a place and a position in heaven.
I think this is an awesome concept, and I said this. For we can live at present with a great hope and expectation knowing that, when we leave this earth, the Lord has things planned for our lives that will be spectacular.
My heart, I said to them, beats wildly with anticipation of what is ahead for me, and for us.
In heaven there will be no taint of sin in the new bodies we will receive. We shall never again experience pain or loss or disappointment.
Jesus the Messiah, I believe, has a place for those who are, at present, prisoners. He has a place for each of us within the church. He also has a place for us in heaven.
Ahead for me is a far far better place.
WOLVES
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves
Matthew 10:16
I have been getting more opportunities to preach and teach from the Bible. Last night I was able to speak for approximately ten to fifteen minutes on Matthew 10:16-23.
I discussed with the men how that Jesus has comissioned us forth into the world to help spread the gospel, and that He has well equipped us to live a victorious Christian life as we seek to complete this task.
In this passage, I told them, the Lord warns His disciples about what some of us may encounter, like rejection, even from members of our own families. Yet we must continue to trust in Him.
In addition, as this portion of Matthew's gospel account makes clear, the Holy Spirit will help us to speak the right words at the right time when we are confronted by those who seek to chllenge our faith.
I also reminded my congregation that we must never give up even when the world calls us followers of "Beelzebub" the Prince of Demons.
Jesus was Himself maligned and hated; we shall be too. But God, however, has given us the ability to overcome these negatives through faith, love and hope, and by the word of the Lord.
Finally, I told the men that, as the Bible promises in many passages, there are great rewards awaiting those who are overcomers.
(c) David Berkowitz July 14, 2004
July 21, 2004
THE ADVERSARY
Be sober, be vigiliant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Peter 5:8
Satan has declared an all-out war on the saints. He knows he has but a short time to finish his work of destruction.
The devil is busy trying to wear out the church. He's always thinking up schemes to harass and destroy God's faithful servants who, although far from perfect, desire to give to God their best.
Satan tries to give the church no rest. Many Christians, however, know nothing of this level of warfare since they have never fully given their lives to the Lord.
I don't think Satan is worried about Christians who are laid back, who are content to remain sitting in pews or busying themselves with worldly affairs.
But those who've set their hearts to serve the Lord and lay down their lives for the gospel's sake, will suffer the most ferocious of trials with all Hell seemingly set against them.
My message to this latter group of servants and saints is to arm yourselves to suffer. Keep on the full armor of God. fight a good fight of faith. Pray fervently. Rejoice in your persecutions. Pray for your enemies and for those who lie about you and slander you.
Give the glory to God at all times and give Him thanks for all things and in all circumstances. For it is only by His grace that we can endure to the end.
As the Scripture says, "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us" (Romans 8:37). ( 1 Peter 4:1 1 Peter 4:12-19 1 Peter 5:8-10)
(c)David Berkowitz July 21, 2004
QUIET DAY
We've had a week of nasty weather with torrential rains and very high humidity. But today it is warm and sunny with nearly perfect weather.
As I do every Saturday, this morning around 9 o'clock I headed for the prison's Intermediate Care Program where I go to assist Phil.* He is completely blind and he's been incarcerated for close to 24 years.
As part of my job assignment I have to spend the entire morning with Phil. We cleaned his cell and I scrubbed down his desk, locker, sink and toilet with a damp rag and plenty of strong disinfectant. I then threw out his garbage and swept and mopped the floor.
Because Phil is blind he often spills food all over his desk and floor. His clothes are usually scattered about, too. So there is much to do as he and I swork together to put his things in order.
When I can I try to talk to Phil about God. He told me that his mother is a devout Christian. Therefore I know she's praying for him.
Now, however, it is Saturday afternoon and I am not scheduled to work. Instead I opted to stay in my cell and write my journal.
Earlier I finished washing and wringing out several shirts. I am behind schedule with my washing because of this week's high humidity. I wasn't able to wash anything as it would not dry.
But with today's nice weather I decided to take advantage of the situation and wash as much as I could. I do one shirt or clothing item at a time in a 2 1/2 gallon wash bucket with warm water and Woolite.
While my shirts drip-dry another inmate is helping me out by ironing my white dress shirt which I only wear for church. Under our unofficial barter system he will usually charge me a box of snack crackers or a package of cookies from our commisary.
The men who do the ironing charge a fee per piece of clothing, and the price depends on what is being ironed. Pants cost a little more than a shirt.
Tonight I am also scheduled ot get a haircut. Another inmate, who has has own barber's kit minus a pair of short scissors, will work on me. Before he came to prison he cut hair for a living.
My barber will set up his chair--which is an ordinary plastic lounge chair--in our dayroom area, as he does on most Saturday evenings.
His fee per haircut is about $2 or $3, depending on what you want. I get a crew cut, as I don't have to much hair on the top of my head anymore. So he only charges me the two dollar rate. This means that when I go to the commisary I will buy him a jar of peanut butter and a few candy bars, or maybe several bags of Tang.
A cell block barber could make up to ten to twenty dollars per week for himself in addition to the meager wage he gets from doing his official job assignment, which is only about $3 to $7 each week.
A good jailhouse barber could make up to five times as much hustling haircuts than he would get doing his prison job of sweeping and mopping floors or serving food.
Then, after I get my haircut, I will take a shower and turn in early. Tomorrow is chapel services all day long--morning, afternoon, and then evening.
My Sundays usually begin at 5 a.m.
*pseudonym
(c)David Berkowitz July 24, 2004
GREAT THINGS
Sing and rejoice, O daughter oif Zion: for Lo, I come, and I will dwell in the midst of thee, saith the Lord.
Zechariah 2:10
The Bible contains countless numbers of beautiful and inspiring passages, and the above verse from Zecharaiah is one of them.
This morning I am so happy to say that I have off from my work assignment. Because I work on Saturday mornings I am allowed to take off Mondays, and this is a blessing. for I am thus able to spend the time praying and studying, or simply relaxing. It is my time for rest and recuperation.
During yesterday morning's worship service, however, God was once again touching hearts.
I have been telling my congregation that the Lord has great expectations for us. I am convinced, for example that one day our choir is going to make a CD for God's glory. They are very anointed and can sing and play their instruments as good as any professional musicians, I believe.
Some of the choir members write their own songs, too. And I have often told them that the Lord did not give them such a level of talent just to stay confined to the prison's chapel. That at some future time they will become known outside of these walls, not for human glory (God forbid), but because God wants to show the world what He can do with even the worst of sinners.
The Lord can take the worst of men who once cussed and swore in every sentence, and make them into men who can sing like angels and, because they are now new creations in Christ, no longer swear but instead worship the Lord with clean lips and pure hearts.
On Sunday we had a handful of Christians come to visit us from a church in Queens, New York. This same group comes to the prison every fourth Sunday of each month. And the congregation always looks forward to the intense preaching and the exuberant praise music.
My chaplain opened the service in prayer. Our choir played many beautiful songs. I was able to give a short ten minute sermon from 1 Peter 5:8-10 on not allowing Satan to tempt us to give in to anger.
My message was about anger and the need to control it before we hurt someone when, in a second of carelessness, we strike another person with fist or swear at him with our toungue, and then afterwwards regret it.
I know from the comments I received later that many of the men were helped and encouraged. One black fellow told me after the service that what I had to say touched h im. As only the night before, he said, he had almost come to blows with another inmate.
Now, however, he told me that he was going to go and apologize to that man, and he's going to strive not to lose his temper anymore.
I let him know that through Christ's help it can be done. We do not have to allow our emotions to control us, I explained. And I gave him a few Scriptures to look up in his Bible.
But during the second half of our service the Reverend Johnny Walker and his ministry team took over. He later brought forth a messsage about Christ's perfect sacrifice on the cross.
Altogether it was a blessed day as we sang and rejoiced, and as God came down Co dwell in our midst.
(c) David Berkowitz July 26, 2004
WONDERFUL DAY
O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
Psalm 95:1
Today more than 180 men, women and children gathered in Sullivan Correctional Facility's main recreation yard to praise the Lord and fellowship together. We made a joyful and loud noise unto the Lord, and we rejoiced at being able to sing to God and worehip Him.
As the day began it appeared as if it might rain, but we prayed that it would not. The sun eventually came out and from nine o'clock in the morning until 2:30 in the afternoon, we had our annual Christian "Family Day" event.
A number of the men from my fellowhship had family members in attendance. We also had many of our regular volunteer ministers present.
In addition, visiting with us were about twenty members from the Manhattan Grace Tabernacle Church in New Y ork City, with their Pastor, Luis Rivera and his lovely wife, Debbie. Pastor Rivera's chior filled the yard with praise. Even the inmates who were in the cell blocks were able to hear the music.
Our inmate choir also sang many songs, and various ministers were able to give words of encouragement to the men and their families. I have no doubt that hearts were touched by all this
The day before the event, however, I was a part of an eighteen man "set up" detail. We had to go into the yard early Friday morning to begin laying out the tables and chairs, place garbage cans around the area, and then help erect the heavy tents for everyone to sit and eat under. It was a lot of work , but it felt great to be out in the fresh air. We worked until the afternoon.
Then on the day of the event, I helped serve the food as well as greet many of our visitors and the inmates and their families.
With lots of kids running around it felt as if I was in a public park far removed from prison life, at least until our event was over.
For at exactly 2:30 a handful of correction officers began to move through the crowds to annouce that our time was up and that everyone had to leave. Our family members and the ministry groups were escorted out of the yard first. Then when they were gone it was our turn to leave the yard, a few men at a time, to be "strip frisked" and searched, and then sent to our respective cell blocks.
It was hard to say goodbye to so many friends.
(c) David Berkowitz Last entry for July 2004
VOLUME AUGUST 2004
VISIT FROM AFRICA
As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
Proverbs 23: 25
The God I worship and serve is able to do wonderful things. Today, for example, I was blessed by a visit from a man I have been corresponding with for approximately ten years. He is Pastor Emmanuel Tannor from Ghana, West Africa.
For a decade Pastor Tanner and I have been exchanging letters, writing to encourage each other to always seek a closer walk with God. His congregation and his family have been praying for me, too.
Finally, after much waiting, a door of opportunity had opened for him to come to the United States to attend a Bible training center in upstate New Y ork.
He hopes to stay in America for a year, and then return home.
Presently Pastor Tannor has been staying with a family who've opened their home to him. Then, in a few days, he will leave for the training center.
Yet it was a joy to see him and to meet a man who is so full of the Holy Spirit.
Brother Tannor was bursting with the glory of the Lord. It was a wonderful pleasure to spend several hours with someone who loves Jesus, and who has a burden to win the lost.
God gave him many words to encourage me, and I received them gladly. Thus when I left the visiting room I was refreshed, and it felt as if I was being re-energized. Today my thirsty soul was satisfied.
As a gift and as a token of our long friendship, he presented me with a special "shawl of gratitued" from his family, his church, and his tribe.
Pastor Tannor lives in the little village of Wenchi. He travels around his region of Ghana going from village to village on a bicycle. It's his only means of transportation other than his feet.
The United States is a new world for him, and he said that he's shocked to see so much "worldliness" in America's churches.
In Ghana the people worship the Lord with more fervor and serve God with more dedication. I agree.
Our churches are lukewarm compared to the level of spirituality that exists among Christians in Third World contries.
(c)David Berkowitz August 2, 2004
BIG DECISION
This past week I had to make a major decision, and I had to be very careful to seek the Lord's counsel on the matter. I did, and He told me to make a change.
Thus as of today, I have left my job at the Intermediate Care Program (ICP) in the afternoons.
It's a big change for me as I have been going into this special unit for many years to help and encourage the inmates who have various mental and emotional problems.
With my present workload, however, along with my many responsibilities as an "elder" in the church, and all the writing I do, it's been to much for me. I was burning out. For many weeks I have been walking around in a state of semi-exhaustion. And the Lord had been trying to get my attention for a long time.
So after much prayer, I believe God had directed me to leave my job at the Mental Health cell block and to become a "porter" during the afternoons in my own cell block.
So beginning today, this change takes effect. In the mornings I will continue to do my work as a "mobility guide" to help the blind and visually impaired. Then in the afternoons I will be cleaning the building I live in.
My janitorial work will allow me more time to pray and to study my Bible. But the good part is that I will still be able to go into the ICP unit on some mornings because "Phil" who is blind, lives in this unit. Thus I will have the opportunity to minister to these men without having to spend as many hours in the ICP as I once did.
(c) David Berkowitz August 9, 2004
CHANGES
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I wll even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:19
Our church is experiencing many cnages now. The Lord seems to be getting ready to move us to a new level, and I'm not even sure what His will entail or what it will be.
But I do know that God has been exposing sin in our congregation. The Holy Spirit has ben strongly impressing upon our hearts the need to turn away from sin, to confess it, and to bring it to God's thone of grace for cleansing and forgiveness.
Unless these things are done and unless we stop truying to hid our sins from the Lord, I told the men, there cannot be the revival and the "move of the Spirit" that we've been yearning for.
Instead there will be confusion, disappointment, lukewarmness, and continued backsliding. The Lord will not use unclean vessels, I reminded them, but only those who have fully surrendered to His cleansing. And I definately included myself in all this. For I need God's forgiveness, too.
Yes, change is indeed coming for us. For there is a stirring in the hearts of these men. And we are living in expectation and in faith that God is getting ready to do something special in this little church that's here behind prison walls.
(c)David Berkowitz August 10, 2004
COUNSELING
The Lord hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary.
Isaiah 50:4a
During the past several weeks I have been counseling and praying with many men. There appears to be an increasing openness for some of the inmates to want to know more about Jesus Christ, or to seek guidance for ther problems.
In my congregation some serious and potentially troublesomne situations and issues have had to be dealt with recently. And there are a few things we're still working on as we seek to grow as "one body in Christ".
At times it has been difficult, yet it has also been very challenging. I am learning a lot.
Problems are getting resolved and disputes are slowly being settled. Men have been seeking reconciliation with each other. They have been accepting correction. And they are being encouraged to get closer to God.
Many of the members of my fellowship have said that the Lord seems to be fine tuning each of us for better communication with Him. That He is teaching us to be "still" in his presence and better able to hear His voice.
I have also been seeing an increasing victory over the powers of evil that seek to rule men's hearts, and which seek to destroy our church community.
Within the past several months my church has been experiencing change. Even men who've been away from the fellowship for awhile have begun to return to their faith. And this is very encouraging.
(c)David Berkowitz August 11, 2004
RAIN WALK
Even though I am no longer working as an aide in the prison's "Intermediate Care Program" (ICP) Unit) in the afternoons, I am still able to go into this special unit during most mornings, as I have to assist Phil, the man who is blind. I mentioned him in my journal entry for July 24, 2004.
On Saturdays, usually around 9 o'clock in the morning, I go into the ICP Unit to help Phil clean his cell. Now, though another inmate, who happens to live in the ICP UNit, is also helping me with this.
But when I am done helping Phil there is time for me to walk around the tiers to talk to the men while they remain in their cells. At 10 o'clock the cells open, as they do every Saturday, for the inmates to go the recreation yards, or to stay in the dayrooms to watch television. Or a man could choose to stay inside his cell.
Phil, however, loves to go to the big recreation yard to sit in the sun and smoke his cigarettes.
Nevertheless, before it was time for our recreation period to begin, I was able to spend about thirty minutes talking with a young black man who was once in a gang. He's been very open to the Bible and with talking about Jesus Christ.
He told me about his experiences in a gang called the "God Bodies".
Their philosophy, he said, is that the men are kings and the women are queens. their children are the "little seeds" that must populate the earth in order to increase this gang's membership. Now he is doing an eighteen year sentence for the crimes of robbery and assault.
(c)David Berkowitz August 21, 2004
A SEASON OF REPENTANCE
Seek ye the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near.
Isaiah 55:6
This has been a gorgeous and sunny day. All traces of yesterday's dark skies and heavy rains are gone. During most evenings, however, it has been unseasonably cool. Even now I can see about a dozen or so trees among the hundreds which surround this prison that have begun to turn golden yellow or orange. Perhaps this is a sign of a very cold winter ahead?
We had a good church service this morning followed by a challengng Bible study by 'Brother Alan." In his class we examined many Old Testament Scriptures that deal with sin and repentance.
During this time of the year Orthodox Jews read and ponder these very same passages from both the major and minor prophets. For the Jews this is the month of Elul where hearts are being prepared for Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year).
The Jews believe that now is the time to make things right between both our neighbors and God. For Rosh Hashanah not only represents a new year and a new begnning, but also a time of judgment when God, according to their beliefs, opens His books, including the Book of Life, to determine who will be blessed in the coming year, and who shall continue to remain in the land of the living.
Rosh Hashanah, as I have written in many previous journal entries, is a very sacred and extremely significant time. For this day, as well as the "High Holy Days" of Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) and Succoth (the Feast of Tabernacles), which are always celebrated in the fall, are going to play a big part in God's prophetic plan for the ages that is yet to unfold.
To me, in my own personal journey with my Creator, now is the season to seek the Lord while He may be found. It is time to call upon the Lord while He is near.
If there is any "wicked way" in me, then I want to forsake it now, turn from it, and be free from its power to enslave me. I desire to be clean and for my soul to be pure.
Isaiah 55:6,7
(c)David Berkowitz August 22, 2004
August 23, 2004
And Jesus said, the things which are impossible with men are possible with God.
Luke 18:27
We have the complete victory in Jesus Christ if we want it. When we're fully surrendered to the Lord, then all things are possible. Most Christians, however, see little of the power and awsomeness of God because they have given Him little of themselves. They're holding back.
These Christians still love much of what the world has to offer. They have yet to make Jesus the Lord of thier lives. And so they experience, I believe, only a small portion of what Christ has to give to His church.
But Jesus has not rejected these brethren. He loves them, and He's longing for them to come closer. Yet until they do, their Christian life will be lukewarm at best. They will continue to miss much of the spendor, joy and magnificence of God. And in eternity their rewards will be less. How sad!
Since we only go through life once, then I want to give Jesus everything, including all of myself. Of course I still fall short with this, and I do have a long way to go in my own spiritual life. Yet He is worthy of my all.
()c)David Berkowitz August 23, 2004
August 28, 2004
STOPPING TEEN VIOLENCE
A question was posed to me by a man who has a nationwide outreach ministry to teenagers. He asked "How can we stop teen violnce?" I will share some of my response to him with the hope that others will get some insights. I am not an expert. I'm only sharing my own thoughts on this important topic:
What is violence but an outward display of pent-up anger, frustration and rage. According to the Bible, no one will be able to stop all the violence that occurs. Things like crime and various violent acts will continue to take place in the world until Jesus Christ returns to establish His kingdom and rule the world with justice, equity and fairmess and in perfect peace.
However, much violence can be curtailed when we learn to love, forgive and reach out to other people with compassion.
We need to consider others first and ourselves second. For violence, I believe, is selfishness in action. Yet society needs to be alert and sensitive to the struggles a young person may be having. We need to learn how to spot trouble and reach out to those who are angry, and who are hurting. Teenagers who unleash hurt upon others are more than likely hurting withing themselves.
Young people also need to know that violence is wrong. It is a terrible and abhorrent thing to unleash violence upon others, even if they did something to make you angry.
Teenagers are usually impulsive and they act out without thinking of the consequences. They're not good at problem solving, and it may seem normal to leash out violently. But it's not normal. It is wrong. And there are consequences for doing acts of violence that may haunt a young man for years to come. He will end up hurting both himself and his victims. He hurts his family, too.
I wish I could get young persons to see and meet those who've come to prison as adolescents. These guys were sixteen, seventeen or eighteen years old when they got busted for committing a violent crime. They got no sympathy from the courts. Instead they got slammed with long sentences. They've thrown away their lives when each one made his decision to do violence.
I think that much teen violence comes from pent-up anger and frustration that is simmering beneath the surface. A victim of bullying, for example feels lonely and rejected. It beomes easy, therefore, for him to brood, and to feel he is worthless. After a while he starts to think that the torment of being bullied will never stop unless he hurts his tormentor.
He begins to fantasize about getting revenge, and he may eventually strike out in a violent rage.
Some young persons may feel cheated at love, or that life has dealt them a cruel hand. But as best as is possible, family members and friends, teachers and guidance counselors, youth ministers, police officers, and everyone in the community need to be on point, watching for those who are troubled, angry, withdrawn or hurting.
Do not expect a troubled teenager to communicate his or her feelings to you, either. Most teens who are angry brood a lot. They try to keep their anger bottled up. But they will drop many hints that something's not right. And you have to be concerned and alert enough to watch for such things.
Furthermore, teenagers need to be responsible for their violence. A person who hits or destroys someone's life must be held accountable.
I am not referring to "Zero Tolerance" where a harsh punishment is inflicted on a young person and no room is allowed for mercy and mitigating circumstances. But in a civilized society, damaging lives and property of others cannot be permitted.
Most of all, teenagers need to be taught to value life. Life is something to cherish and respect. It is a gift from God and it is sacred.
In addition, teens, I believe, need to know that there is a God who created them and who cares about them.
They also need to learn how to solve their problems--and everyone has problems--without reaching for a gun, knife or club.
In my opinion, being violent is not a sign of manhood and maturity, but of childishness and stupidity.
(c)David Berkowitz August 28, 2004
CHANGING SEASONS
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
I always pay careful attention to the changing of the seasons, and I try to observe everything I can about natare. Now, as my summer nears its end, several more trees have begun to make their transition from verdant summer greens to the brilliant brown and bronze colors of Autumn.
I have also been seeing more flocks of geese in the sky. They've been crisscrossing over the prison enroute to the many lakes which dot the country. I think they may be trying to get their bearings down pat before they get ready to make their long journey down south.
In addition, an ever increasing number of ordinary sparrows now seem to be using the 30' triangular courtyard outside my window as a meeting place. Beginning early in tht mornings they gather in the concrete yard or on the rooftops of the buildings to start their music. I could spend hours watching them as they bounce back and forth on their little feet, then suddenly fly away as if being chased by a predator.
However, as August comes to a close, I could thank the Lord not only for the lovely dispays of His creation that I could see from my window or from the prison's recreation yards, but also for every spirutually prosperous and productive month.
For God has afforded me many opportunities to help the men and to share my testimony. But mostly I have been able to pray for them as well as give each man a word of encourgement from the Scriptures in the same way the Lord is always encourging and strengthening me.
Nevertheless, I don't know how much longer I wll be on this earth. The Lord's coming for His children could be soon. Or perhaps this won't happen for many more years? But I want to be ready should the 'midnight cry" come today.
Yet while I am still on this earth I must give my heart to Christ each day, because I know I fall short in many ways. I'm still working on mortifying this lazy flesh that's so prone to sin.
And while my carnal desires will never be completly eradicated in this lifetime, through the Holy Spirit's help and His indwelling presence, I can live victoriously and not allow sin to rule in my body.
God is merciful. The Messiah's plea is for people to repent. To turn from their sins and turn to Him for forgiveness and salvation.
May I never cease from proclaiming the gospel.
End of my Journal for August 2004 (c)David Berkowitz August 31, 2004
CODE ORANGE
Yesterday I wrote about the "Code Orange" alert level that has now been ineffect for a couple of weeks. As a result, most of our Bible studies and services have been cancelled.
I am counting my blessings, however. I am thankful because not everythinghas been stopped.
Our chapel is still open every Sunday morning for the main worship service, as this event is overseen and run by my chaplain, who is a New York State employee, and not simply a volunteer minister.
In addition, we have our Sunday afternoon beginner's Bible class, and w ehave a great time in it. Plus the prayer meetings and choir practices are still continuing. These things are also supervised by the chaplain.
Nevertheless, perhaps upwards of 85 percent of our Christian activities have been cancelled. The affects of the tragic September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks are still rippling across the country, even in here.
But as this year begins, I hope to renew my strength as well as make a fresh start.
I never make new year's resolutions. However I do hope to get closer to the Lord with more prayer time and deeper studies into the Scriptures.
I pray, too, that the Lord presents more opportunites in 2004 for meto tell others what He has done in my life. I always want to be an encouragement for those who feel as if they have no hope.
Likewise, I desire to be a faithful servant for Jesus my Messiah as I live out my life in this prison.
(C) David Berkowitz January 2, 2004
ENDURING PHYSICAL WOES
The past several weeks have been times of physical afflictions for me. On
January 7th I tore some ligaments in the ring finger of my left hand.
This happened while I was playing basketball with the inmates from the
Intermediate Care Program, which I'm required to do.
Immediately after I was injured, the corrections officer who was on duty
at the gymnasium sent me to the prison's infirmary where x-rays were taken to
see if my finger was dislocated or even broken.
Thankfully only some ligaments were torn. But the doctor had to place my
finger in a splint. The splint must remain on for four to six weeks.
Amazingly my typing has not been affected, although I'm a little slower at
hitting the keys.
Then on Monday, January 26th, I sat down at a table in the recreation
area of the cell block where I live to help another man write a letter to his
mother. I did not know, however, that he had the flu. So having already
obligated myself, I got stuck having to sit directly across from him as he
contiuously coughed in my face.
It's kind of funny because when I asked Alvin why he didn't warn me that
he was sick, he kept insisting with a straight face that he wasn't sick at
all. I knew better, of course.
But this was the fist time I've ever met someone who was in denial that he
had the flu, even though his nose was running like a faucet and as he emittted
a wet, hacking cough every other minute.
Yet, here I was, stuck in a seat as I helplessly got blasted by millions
of flu virus and cold germs.
I knew I was in trouble. And even though as soon as I finished his letter
I ran upstairs to my cell to wash my hands in hot soapy water, I had the gut
feelings that it was to late. I was right!
Sure enough, when I awoke at about 5:30 the following morning, my throat
was sore and I could hardly talk. I had a bad case of laryngitis.
I had to work all day Tuesday even though I sound like a frog when I tried
to talk. And by Tuesday eveing I had chills and I felt weak. I knew what was coming.
By Wednesday morning I falt like the walking dead. I also began to
develop the same wet, hacking cough that Alvin had.
To top this off, on Monday morning my left kneecap began to swell. I
suppose this was from an old injury. The kneecap area began to fill with fluid
and every step I had to take was with excruciating pain. I had to limp
everywhere, and I was in throbbing pain even when I was sitting down.
Only yesterday the swelling began to decrease and now I could walk much
better.
I'll be fine. The Lord will heal me. But this week I got almost nothing
accomplished. All I did was sleep every chance I got.
(c)David Berkowitz January 30, 2004
SUFFERING TEACHES PATIENCE
Many times the occasional physical injuries I get or bouts of the flu I come
down with end up being hidden blessings. They force me to make changes in my
life. They also cause me to get the physical rest that I need by putting an
abrupt stop to my overachiever and workaholic ways.
These injuries or routine illnesses are the means by which I get some time off to recuperate.
This week my legs have been wracked with constant pain, while the flu virus
runs rampant in my body.
So when I was not at my work assignment during the daytime, I was either in
to much pain or I was feeling to weak to do anything else but sleep.
This past Wednesday, for example, when the flu struck, I was so tired that I
went to sleep at approximately 8 p.m. I didn't wake up until 6 o'clock the
following morning.
Normally I would never get this much sleep. But I needed the rest, and mybody let me know it.
While limitations do not exist for the Lord, I, however, have many
limitations. He is all powerful, and without Him I would always be a weak mass of
feeble flesh.
I'm also a hard learner. In His patience the Lord has been showing me again
and again that it is okay to rest.
I used to feel guilty if I wasn't always on the go, trying by my own efforts
to "stay busy for God"
Little by little I am learning about my limitations, and this is good.
(c) David Berkowitz January
CULTIVATING FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT
I desire to live out a "good confession" of faith, always demonstrating
the reality of the changes God has made in my life.
Daily I want to display all the "fruits of the Spirit", (love, joy,
Peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, self-control), as these continue to
develop inside me over my lifetime.
And may each of these fruits, as the Bible calls them, become sweet
Fragrances that exude from my soul to ultimately bless those who live and work
around me.
For example, earlier today two fellow prisoners came to me at different times
to tell me that I've been a big encouragement to them.
One man said he was thankful that I was his neighbor. He told me that I
have been an inspiration to him and that he sees God in my life.
A second man made his approach while I was walking by myself in the snowy
recreation yard. He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and then proceeded to
thank me for being a friend, and for keeping him in my prayers.
I've only known these men casually, at best, although they've been with me
in this prison for several years. However I was quick to give God all the
thanks and praise. Yet I was touched by their openness and kindness, and by
their surprise displays of gratitude.
The Lord has been very good to me.
(C) David Berkowitz January 15, 2004
VOLUME DECEMBER 2004
December 6, 2004
PLENTY OF WOMEN
A few weeks ago a friend handed me an article he thought I'd be interested in. I put it in a folder and mistakenly forgot about it until I came across it this morning. It's titled: "MORE WOMEN IN PRISON THAN EVER, REPORT FINDS."
The article stated that "There were 100,179 women in prisons" in 2003 a "3.6 percent increase" from the year 2002.
Like death, incarceration is no respecter of persons. The article said that some of the biggest increases of female inmates in correctional facilities were in the States of North Dakota, Minnesota, Montana, Wyoming and Hawaii, in this order.
It also said that there may be up to 80,000 more women in local jails that were not a part of the above count.
Te federal prison system according to the article, had a female population of 11, 635 at the close of 2003. Texas had 13,487 while California held 10,656 ladies at the end of last year.
For most states the numbers were going up, although it said that the incarceration rates for women actually went down in a dozen states.
I don't know all the reasons for such increases. But in many areas of the United States of America, communities are losing ground to drugs. For in these areas there has been a rise in the number of people who are getting addicted to methamphetamines, especially in the midwest and rural areas, everywhere from Nebraska to North Dakota.
Powerful mind-numbing drugs continue to destroy lives and damage families. Yet these chemicals remain as excape mechanism for many people. I believe the drugs are used to seek solace from a worlds of pain, disappoointment, and gnawing emptiness.
Of course the end of an addiction is destruction. The drugs a person takes in order to end their problems, only wind up causing even more problems.
But these are my thoughts. And I believe, too, that a large part of the solution is a spiritual awakening for our nation.
Concerning the article, however, it went on to state: "Expressed in terms of the population at large, this means that in 2003, one in every 109 U.S. men was in prison. for women the figure was one in every 1,613."
Many are presently incarcerated in the United States, including plenty of women.
The article "More Women in Prison Than Ever, Report Says" is an associated Press story which was published in the Times Herald Record, Monday, November 8, 2004 (page 16)).
David Berkowitz
December 8, 2004
UNITED KINGDOM
Put them in fear, O Lord: that the nations may know themselves to be but men. Selah
Plalm 9:20
Earlier today I wrote a letter to a young Christian who lives in England. He first wrote to me because he came across my story, and he was encouraged by it.
I told him that for many years I have been praying for his country, as I do for many lands.
In part of my letter I said this:
Once upon time your nation was the source of many preachers and evangelists whom the Lord used to shake nations with the power of His word.
May I say in deep humility that the United Kingdom, like the United States of America, is in desperate meed of a genuine spiritual awakening.
If one does not come soon, your country, and mine, may suffer terrilble consequences. These are serious and perilous times.
David Berkowitz
December 11, 2004
A GIFT FROM GOD
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
The Lord is wonderful, loving and generous. He has once again given me the desire of my heart as well as a special Hanukkah gift.
For three consecutive days, beginning December 8th* and continuing until the 10th, "Focus on the Family" re-aired the interview I did with them. It was first broadcast in march of this year. But the responses to the program were so positive that they decided to air it again.
I bow my heart before Jesus the Messiah. I'm thankful to have again been provided the privilege to proclaim His name and goodness to people from all walks of life.
God has once more made a way for me to share my message of forgiveness and hope in Christ to the ends of the earth. As I have so often said in this journal, the Almighty Creator is not limited by prison walls. His Spirit has no boundaries, and the things which are considered to be impossible for man, are possible with Him.
I believe that anyone could listen to my interview online at the Focus on the Family website:
www.family.org
*This year the Jewish holiday known as Hanukkah began at sundown on December 7th. Therefore the 8th was the first of eight consecutive days of celebration. Hanukkah is also called the "Festival of Lights".
David Berkowitz
December 22, 2004
AN INVITATION
The Lord blessed me today. This morning while I was at work the couselor from E-North's "Intermediate Care Program" came to see me. He gave me an invitation to come to the cell block where the mentally challenged men live to spend the afternoon with them. He told me I could visit and talk with any man I wanted to. I was thrilled.
Although I live in the general population, for may years I worked at the Intermediate Care program. I have no doubt that God called me in this direction, going back ton 1989, because I have a heart for these men. I treat each one special. Only a handful of inmates at my prison have the official clearance to go into this area of the facility which would otherwise be off limits.
So at 12:30 this afternoon, after I finished my janitor's job, I headed to E-North. I was able to stay there until 3.p.m. It was nice being able to talk with the guys. They were glad to see me and many of them asked when I was going to come back to work in the Unit. I told them that I would only do so if I sensed the Lord leading me to return.
There sre approximately sixty-four men in E-North. Some suffer from depression. Others from other ailments. Most are in touch with reality much of the time, and almost all require some form of psychotropic medication to function well. Many of them, in my opinion, don't even belong in prison. It would have been better for them to have been placed in a psychiatric instutition or something similar.
(c)David Berkowitz December 22 2004
CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICE
I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead.
Revelation 3:1
I just returned to my cell after attending the Christmas Eve service in the prison's chapel.
This year my chaplain is on vacation for Christmas. I thus had to conduct the event. The Lord was with me, however, and it went very well.
For approximately one hour and forty-five minutes, which was our allotted time, my congregation was able to praise the Lord. Our choir led in the music and singing. We thanked Jesus our Savior for His love and mercy. And several men took their turns coming forward to the altar to speak on how God watched over them throughout the year.
With our chaplain being absent it was up to me to preach the sermon. I took my text from Revelation chapter three about the church in the ancient city of Sardis. It was not a typical Christmas message. Yet I believe it was what we needed to hear, expecially me.
I spoke about the importance of "getting right" with God and seeking His forgiveness for all unconfessed sin.
I talked about Jesus' message to Sardis about repentance. That we're at a crucial stage as a "body of believers' because we could either neglect the things of God and spiritually wither away, or we could take hold of all the Lord has for us, and flourish.
I told the flock that just because we're a busy church doing many "Christmas things" it doesn't mean that God is automatically please with us.
The church at Sardis was a busy congregation. They had a "reputation" in their community of being a llively and busy group. But as the Scripture passage from Revelation shows, Jesus saw them as being spiritually "dead." They were doing many good works, and probably with the best of intentions, but it was being done without the Holy Spirit. So I asked the men if its possible that we're doing the same?
I went on to explain that there are many "works of the flesh" which appear to be spiritual. Yet God has judged such activities to be mere human endeavors done through carnal strength. That such things have no spiritual value. They will turn out to be "wood, hay and stubble" that will be consumed at the Judgement Seat of Christ.
I also emphasized the importance of repentance. With a new year coming, it is a good time to "wipe the slate clean" with God. We should humbly confess our failings to Him, and then be ready to begin 2005 with a renewed love for Jesus and a fresh vision for our church.
Finally I told the brothers that being a pastor is very challenging. I have to constantly examine myself to see where I am missing themark.
I admitted that I too fall short of God's perfect standard. That I need His mercy and grace daily.
It was a good evening. I did, however, have a very difficult day. I have the flu again, and it has hit me hard. I also had to move to another cell block shortly after breakfast. I've yet to unpack my things.
(c)David Berkowitz December 24, 2004
CHRISTMAS SERVICE
I awoke this morning with the flu in full possession of my body. My throat was so sore that I could barely speak or swallow. I had to push myself to get off my bunk and begin my prayers. Then I had to wash and get dressed. I knew this was gong to be a long day. I would need divine assistance every step along the way.
Under other circumstances I'd have tried to stay in bed. I was tempted to wrap myself in a blanket and go back to sleep. But today was the Christmas service (even though Christmas was yesterday) and I had to be present, especially in my chaplains' absence.
It had been planned well before my chaplain took his vacation that I would be in the chapel this Sunday to lead the service and make sure that all went well.
The congregation and I were expecting our regular guests, a ministry group from Queens, New York. They never showed up, however!
But our service began at 10 a.m. I opened in prayer and then I called upon different men to do their tasks such as Scripture readings and announcements. Our choir then began to lead us in worship.
By 11 o'clock I realized that no one from the outside was coming. Maybe our guests had a mechanical problem with their van? There was no way to know.
With the scheduled ministry team not coming, I began to pray earnestly and silently for help from the Lord. I was going to have to preach again. I needed a message for the flock.
When the time had come I stepped to the podium. I began by apologizing to the men that our guest were not here. The guys always look forward to people coming from the ouside. I know, too, they would rather hear our guests talk and minster than me. But I assured the sixty or so prisoners in attendance that we were going to make the best of our situation, that I would do my best to bring them a message.
Standing in the pulpit was difficult. I told the guys that I had the flu. They saw my flushed face and raspy voice. But many of the men were praying for me, and this was a big encouragement.
At some point, however, God's strength and presence overshadowed me. I began to feel stronger and my voice was coming back.
My text was Acts 17:22-31. My message, although I touched on many different areas was "We are all of different colors, but one blood and one body in Christ."
I also read from John 3:16. I preached on the love of Jesus the Messiah, who willingly took His place on the cross for all of us.
I admonished and encouraged the men to look beyond the outward things like skin color to see the soul of the next man. That separating from others because of skin color, nationality, or even by gang affiliations is not of God. The Lord has called us to be one body in Christ with all the members having the same care one for another. Thankfully everything went well for an impromptu message. The Lord not only saved me, He saved the service from being a potential disaster. Amen!
(c)David Berkowitz December 26, 2004
THE WASTED DEATH OF FRANK DIMARCO
I didn't really know him. I often saw him walking the prison corridors, or
in the gym as he worked out with weights. Many times I observed him in the
recreation yard hanging out with the Organized Crime guys. He fit in well with
them, it seemed.
His name was Frank Dimarco, and he was shot to death on a street in Queens,
New York shortly after he was released from the Sullivan Correctional Facility.
Frank was 52 years old, and Sullivan was his last prison stop before his life
came to sudden end.
Like hundreds of convicts who pass through this facility, many who come here
from other prisons, who stay awhile before they're transferred again, or who
eventually obtain their parole or get released having earned "good time", Frank
was just another face in the crowd.
I think he got out of prison only several months ago. And since I didn't
know Frank personally I forgot about him. In this environment men come and go all
the time. Inmates are transferred in and out of the facility every week.
But over the weekend word began to spread quickly that a man who had once
been here, was shot to death.
In prisons, bad news travels fast.
Out of curiosity I asked one of Frank's friends if this was true. False rumors spread fast, too.
When I asked the question, however, this man who lives in the same housing
unit as me, quickly darted into his cell to retrieve an article from he New York
Post. He then handed me the already crumpled page.
It was from the Post's "NYPD Daily Blotter" that's usually buried somewhere
in the middle of each day's newspaper.
This section lists some of the daily incidents of murder, mayhem and crime in
the "Big Apple.
I then read a portion of last Friday's blotter which said:
"Police yesterday identified a Long Island man shot and killed on a
Cambria Heights street. Frank Dimarco, 52, of Westbury, was shot in the head for
unknown reasons at 132nd Road and 219th Street around 10:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Dimarco who had 60 prior arrests, was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital, where he
died. February 6, 2004"
My heart was pricked. As a Christian I quickly bowed my head and offered a
silent prayer for his suffering family. I'm sure he has loved ones who are
grieving.
And my mind thought of Frank, too. Sixty arrests! His friend told me that
Frank had a penchant for robbing drug dealers.
I'm not sure what Frank received his last prison sentence for. His friend
didn't know. Frank Dimarco had so many prior arrests, and he'd done so much jail
and prison time, that even his best friend lost track.
And of course I wondered if Frank knew Jesus Christ as his Savior. Like
multitudes of inmates, he did his time hanging out with the guys, aimlessly
passing the time, perhaps never thinking about God and never showing any interest
in going to the chapel services.
Frank was like the myriads of men in prison whom Satan has blinded.
Christian inmates were all around him. the chapel's doors were always open.
But Frank was a blind man. The "god of thie world" kept Frank under his power.
The temptations of drugs and money and having a "good reputation" among
thieves was of more value than his being in right standing with the Lord.
Now, sadly, only a short time after Frank walked out the doors of this prison
his body was dropped by a bullet on a desolate street corner.
A lifetime of crime was what he chose. And all that was left to mark his
life was a tiny blurb written in a New York city newspaper about his murder.
What a waste.
(c)David Berkowitz February 9, 2004
God Comforts
The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knows them that trust in Him.
Nahum 1:7
Oftentimes I have taken great comfort in this little known verse of Scripture. For it seems as if I live in a continuous swirl of storms and struggles, and trials and tribulations.
Jesus told his followers that we would face such things. Life will have its difficult moment when our faith will be tested to its limits.
I know that no one is exempt from disappointment, pain, or death. But the good news is that God has promised to always be with me. I shall never find myself alone or forsaken. Thus my confidence and hope has been placed on His every promise.
In addition, I know I will be on this earth for only a limited amount of time. My future is in heaven. And even my present period of incarceration will one day become only a fading memory.
So I can say “Amen” to what God is doing in my life. He is the God of all comfort. The Lord is my strong hold, and He knows me.
(c)David Berkowitz January 6, 2006
(c) All the writings on this page are authored by David Berkowitz, and are
the sole property of David Berkowitz
I desire to live out a "good confession" of faith, always demonstrating
the reality of the changes God has made in my life.
Daily I want to display all the "fruits of the Spirit", (love, joy,
Peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, self-control), as these continue to
develop inside me over my lifetime.
And may each of these fruits, as the Bible calls them, become sweet
Fragrances that exude from my soul to ultimately bless those who live and work
around me.
For example, earlier today two fellow prisoners came to me at different times
to tell me that I've been a big encouragement to them.
One man said he was thankful that I was his neighbor. He told me that I
have been an inspiration to him and that he sees God in my life.
A second man made his approach while I was walking by myself in the snowy
recreation yard. He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and then proceeded to
thank me for being a friend, and for keeping him in my prayers.
I've only known these men casually, at best, although they've been with me
in this prison for several years. However I was quick to give God all the
thanks and praise. Yet I was touched by their openness and kindness, and by
their surprise displays of gratitude.
The Lord has been very good to me.
(C) David Berkowitz January 15, 2004
VOLUME DECEMBER 2004
December 6, 2004
PLENTY OF WOMEN
A few weeks ago a friend handed me an article he thought I'd be interested in. I put it in a folder and mistakenly forgot about it until I came across it this morning. It's titled: "MORE WOMEN IN PRISON THAN EVER, REPORT FINDS."
The article stated that "There were 100,179 women in prisons" in 2003 a "3.6 percent increase" from the year 2002.
Like death, incarceration is no respecter of persons. The article said that some of the biggest increases of female inmates in correctional facilities were in the States of North Dakota, Minnesota, Montana, Wyoming and Hawaii, in this order.
It also said that there may be up to 80,000 more women in local jails that were not a part of the above count.
Te federal prison system according to the article, had a female population of 11, 635 at the close of 2003. Texas had 13,487 while California held 10,656 ladies at the end of last year.
For most states the numbers were going up, although it said that the incarceration rates for women actually went down in a dozen states.
I don't know all the reasons for such increases. But in many areas of the United States of America, communities are losing ground to drugs. For in these areas there has been a rise in the number of people who are getting addicted to methamphetamines, especially in the midwest and rural areas, everywhere from Nebraska to North Dakota.
Powerful mind-numbing drugs continue to destroy lives and damage families. Yet these chemicals remain as excape mechanism for many people. I believe the drugs are used to seek solace from a worlds of pain, disappoointment, and gnawing emptiness.
Of course the end of an addiction is destruction. The drugs a person takes in order to end their problems, only wind up causing even more problems.
But these are my thoughts. And I believe, too, that a large part of the solution is a spiritual awakening for our nation.
Concerning the article, however, it went on to state: "Expressed in terms of the population at large, this means that in 2003, one in every 109 U.S. men was in prison. for women the figure was one in every 1,613."
Many are presently incarcerated in the United States, including plenty of women.
The article "More Women in Prison Than Ever, Report Says" is an associated Press story which was published in the Times Herald Record, Monday, November 8, 2004 (page 16)).
David Berkowitz
December 8, 2004
UNITED KINGDOM
Put them in fear, O Lord: that the nations may know themselves to be but men. Selah
Plalm 9:20
Earlier today I wrote a letter to a young Christian who lives in England. He first wrote to me because he came across my story, and he was encouraged by it.
I told him that for many years I have been praying for his country, as I do for many lands.
In part of my letter I said this:
Once upon time your nation was the source of many preachers and evangelists whom the Lord used to shake nations with the power of His word.
May I say in deep humility that the United Kingdom, like the United States of America, is in desperate meed of a genuine spiritual awakening.
If one does not come soon, your country, and mine, may suffer terrilble consequences. These are serious and perilous times.
David Berkowitz
December 11, 2004
A GIFT FROM GOD
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
The Lord is wonderful, loving and generous. He has once again given me the desire of my heart as well as a special Hanukkah gift.
For three consecutive days, beginning December 8th* and continuing until the 10th, "Focus on the Family" re-aired the interview I did with them. It was first broadcast in march of this year. But the responses to the program were so positive that they decided to air it again.
I bow my heart before Jesus the Messiah. I'm thankful to have again been provided the privilege to proclaim His name and goodness to people from all walks of life.
God has once more made a way for me to share my message of forgiveness and hope in Christ to the ends of the earth. As I have so often said in this journal, the Almighty Creator is not limited by prison walls. His Spirit has no boundaries, and the things which are considered to be impossible for man, are possible with Him.
I believe that anyone could listen to my interview online at the Focus on the Family website:
www.family.org
*This year the Jewish holiday known as Hanukkah began at sundown on December 7th. Therefore the 8th was the first of eight consecutive days of celebration. Hanukkah is also called the "Festival of Lights".
David Berkowitz
December 22, 2004
AN INVITATION
The Lord blessed me today. This morning while I was at work the couselor from E-North's "Intermediate Care Program" came to see me. He gave me an invitation to come to the cell block where the mentally challenged men live to spend the afternoon with them. He told me I could visit and talk with any man I wanted to. I was thrilled.
Although I live in the general population, for may years I worked at the Intermediate Care program. I have no doubt that God called me in this direction, going back ton 1989, because I have a heart for these men. I treat each one special. Only a handful of inmates at my prison have the official clearance to go into this area of the facility which would otherwise be off limits.
So at 12:30 this afternoon, after I finished my janitor's job, I headed to E-North. I was able to stay there until 3.p.m. It was nice being able to talk with the guys. They were glad to see me and many of them asked when I was going to come back to work in the Unit. I told them that I would only do so if I sensed the Lord leading me to return.
There sre approximately sixty-four men in E-North. Some suffer from depression. Others from other ailments. Most are in touch with reality much of the time, and almost all require some form of psychotropic medication to function well. Many of them, in my opinion, don't even belong in prison. It would have been better for them to have been placed in a psychiatric instutition or something similar.
(c)David Berkowitz December 22 2004
CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICE
I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead.
Revelation 3:1
I just returned to my cell after attending the Christmas Eve service in the prison's chapel.
This year my chaplain is on vacation for Christmas. I thus had to conduct the event. The Lord was with me, however, and it went very well.
For approximately one hour and forty-five minutes, which was our allotted time, my congregation was able to praise the Lord. Our choir led in the music and singing. We thanked Jesus our Savior for His love and mercy. And several men took their turns coming forward to the altar to speak on how God watched over them throughout the year.
With our chaplain being absent it was up to me to preach the sermon. I took my text from Revelation chapter three about the church in the ancient city of Sardis. It was not a typical Christmas message. Yet I believe it was what we needed to hear, expecially me.
I spoke about the importance of "getting right" with God and seeking His forgiveness for all unconfessed sin.
I talked about Jesus' message to Sardis about repentance. That we're at a crucial stage as a "body of believers' because we could either neglect the things of God and spiritually wither away, or we could take hold of all the Lord has for us, and flourish.
I told the flock that just because we're a busy church doing many "Christmas things" it doesn't mean that God is automatically please with us.
The church at Sardis was a busy congregation. They had a "reputation" in their community of being a llively and busy group. But as the Scripture passage from Revelation shows, Jesus saw them as being spiritually "dead." They were doing many good works, and probably with the best of intentions, but it was being done without the Holy Spirit. So I asked the men if its possible that we're doing the same?
I went on to explain that there are many "works of the flesh" which appear to be spiritual. Yet God has judged such activities to be mere human endeavors done through carnal strength. That such things have no spiritual value. They will turn out to be "wood, hay and stubble" that will be consumed at the Judgement Seat of Christ.
I also emphasized the importance of repentance. With a new year coming, it is a good time to "wipe the slate clean" with God. We should humbly confess our failings to Him, and then be ready to begin 2005 with a renewed love for Jesus and a fresh vision for our church.
Finally I told the brothers that being a pastor is very challenging. I have to constantly examine myself to see where I am missing themark.
I admitted that I too fall short of God's perfect standard. That I need His mercy and grace daily.
It was a good evening. I did, however, have a very difficult day. I have the flu again, and it has hit me hard. I also had to move to another cell block shortly after breakfast. I've yet to unpack my things.
(c)David Berkowitz December 24, 2004
CHRISTMAS SERVICE
I awoke this morning with the flu in full possession of my body. My throat was so sore that I could barely speak or swallow. I had to push myself to get off my bunk and begin my prayers. Then I had to wash and get dressed. I knew this was gong to be a long day. I would need divine assistance every step along the way.
Under other circumstances I'd have tried to stay in bed. I was tempted to wrap myself in a blanket and go back to sleep. But today was the Christmas service (even though Christmas was yesterday) and I had to be present, especially in my chaplains' absence.
It had been planned well before my chaplain took his vacation that I would be in the chapel this Sunday to lead the service and make sure that all went well.
The congregation and I were expecting our regular guests, a ministry group from Queens, New York. They never showed up, however!
But our service began at 10 a.m. I opened in prayer and then I called upon different men to do their tasks such as Scripture readings and announcements. Our choir then began to lead us in worship.
By 11 o'clock I realized that no one from the outside was coming. Maybe our guests had a mechanical problem with their van? There was no way to know.
With the scheduled ministry team not coming, I began to pray earnestly and silently for help from the Lord. I was going to have to preach again. I needed a message for the flock.
When the time had come I stepped to the podium. I began by apologizing to the men that our guest were not here. The guys always look forward to people coming from the ouside. I know, too, they would rather hear our guests talk and minster than me. But I assured the sixty or so prisoners in attendance that we were going to make the best of our situation, that I would do my best to bring them a message.
Standing in the pulpit was difficult. I told the guys that I had the flu. They saw my flushed face and raspy voice. But many of the men were praying for me, and this was a big encouragement.
At some point, however, God's strength and presence overshadowed me. I began to feel stronger and my voice was coming back.
My text was Acts 17:22-31. My message, although I touched on many different areas was "We are all of different colors, but one blood and one body in Christ."
I also read from John 3:16. I preached on the love of Jesus the Messiah, who willingly took His place on the cross for all of us.
I admonished and encouraged the men to look beyond the outward things like skin color to see the soul of the next man. That separating from others because of skin color, nationality, or even by gang affiliations is not of God. The Lord has called us to be one body in Christ with all the members having the same care one for another. Thankfully everything went well for an impromptu message. The Lord not only saved me, He saved the service from being a potential disaster. Amen!
(c)David Berkowitz December 26, 2004
THE WASTED DEATH OF FRANK DIMARCO
I didn't really know him. I often saw him walking the prison corridors, or
in the gym as he worked out with weights. Many times I observed him in the
recreation yard hanging out with the Organized Crime guys. He fit in well with
them, it seemed.
His name was Frank Dimarco, and he was shot to death on a street in Queens,
New York shortly after he was released from the Sullivan Correctional Facility.
Frank was 52 years old, and Sullivan was his last prison stop before his life
came to sudden end.
Like hundreds of convicts who pass through this facility, many who come here
from other prisons, who stay awhile before they're transferred again, or who
eventually obtain their parole or get released having earned "good time", Frank
was just another face in the crowd.
I think he got out of prison only several months ago. And since I didn't
know Frank personally I forgot about him. In this environment men come and go all
the time. Inmates are transferred in and out of the facility every week.
But over the weekend word began to spread quickly that a man who had once
been here, was shot to death.
In prisons, bad news travels fast.
Out of curiosity I asked one of Frank's friends if this was true. False rumors spread fast, too.
When I asked the question, however, this man who lives in the same housing
unit as me, quickly darted into his cell to retrieve an article from he New York
Post. He then handed me the already crumpled page.
It was from the Post's "NYPD Daily Blotter" that's usually buried somewhere
in the middle of each day's newspaper.
This section lists some of the daily incidents of murder, mayhem and crime in
the "Big Apple.
I then read a portion of last Friday's blotter which said:
"Police yesterday identified a Long Island man shot and killed on a
Cambria Heights street. Frank Dimarco, 52, of Westbury, was shot in the head for
unknown reasons at 132nd Road and 219th Street around 10:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Dimarco who had 60 prior arrests, was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital, where he
died. February 6, 2004"
My heart was pricked. As a Christian I quickly bowed my head and offered a
silent prayer for his suffering family. I'm sure he has loved ones who are
grieving.
And my mind thought of Frank, too. Sixty arrests! His friend told me that
Frank had a penchant for robbing drug dealers.
I'm not sure what Frank received his last prison sentence for. His friend
didn't know. Frank Dimarco had so many prior arrests, and he'd done so much jail
and prison time, that even his best friend lost track.
And of course I wondered if Frank knew Jesus Christ as his Savior. Like
multitudes of inmates, he did his time hanging out with the guys, aimlessly
passing the time, perhaps never thinking about God and never showing any interest
in going to the chapel services.
Frank was like the myriads of men in prison whom Satan has blinded.
Christian inmates were all around him. the chapel's doors were always open.
But Frank was a blind man. The "god of thie world" kept Frank under his power.
The temptations of drugs and money and having a "good reputation" among
thieves was of more value than his being in right standing with the Lord.
Now, sadly, only a short time after Frank walked out the doors of this prison
his body was dropped by a bullet on a desolate street corner.
A lifetime of crime was what he chose. And all that was left to mark his
life was a tiny blurb written in a New York city newspaper about his murder.
What a waste.
(c)David Berkowitz February 9, 2004
God Comforts
The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knows them that trust in Him.
Nahum 1:7
Oftentimes I have taken great comfort in this little known verse of Scripture. For it seems as if I live in a continuous swirl of storms and struggles, and trials and tribulations.
Jesus told his followers that we would face such things. Life will have its difficult moment when our faith will be tested to its limits.
I know that no one is exempt from disappointment, pain, or death. But the good news is that God has promised to always be with me. I shall never find myself alone or forsaken. Thus my confidence and hope has been placed on His every promise.
In addition, I know I will be on this earth for only a limited amount of time. My future is in heaven. And even my present period of incarceration will one day become only a fading memory.
So I can say “Amen” to what God is doing in my life. He is the God of all comfort. The Lord is my strong hold, and He knows me.
(c)David Berkowitz January 6, 2006
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